Doing Well with Katrina Marie of My Orgasmic Life

photo by Amber Ellis

I feel like Katrina Marie fell from the sky and landed in my instagram feed last year. From the moment I found her work I was completely mesmerized by her and her story. Her story immediately resonated with me and my past growing up in a church community, feeling uncomfortable and erratic about my own sexuality. Katrina is the founder of My Orgasmic Life, certified Body Sex facilitator and a sexual empowerment coach. She helps folks connect to intimacy and themselves in a deeper way, it’s beautiful to see her work transform and liberate women in such an important way. Her vulnerability is truly magnetic and her work is so valuable, I knew I had to reach out and have her on the blog to share some of her wisdom with you. Here are some excerpts from an interview we did earlier this year, before the pandemic. 

Can you share a bit about your journey to starting My Orgasmic Life? 

I was always interested in sex, but didn’t have much access to information as a kid. I grew up in a very conservative Christian home, where abstinence was taught and slut shaming was implied. I remember looking through drawers of my babysitting clients (is that what you call those?) hoping to find proof of anything sexy. I babysat a lot, and never did I find anything more than a condom, which was exhilarating for me at the time. Probalby the highight of my babysitting years was watching Sex with Sue clutching the remote, ready to change the channel in case the parents came home. We didn’t have cable TV at home, and this felt so rebellious.

Fast forward to university. I was studying fine art and was less than inspired but was more excited by my women’s studies elective. It was the first time I witnessed women critically thinking like that. It lit me up! So I switched my major and kept following that fire. I ended up graduating with a degree in Sexuality Studies, something I really didn’t expect when I went in.

I moved on to Midwifery school, where I got even more comfortable with the female body, and got to witness the power and resilience of women. I also saw a lot of trauma, and questioned the medical system’s ability to honour women’s autonomy and intuition, both as practitioners and as clients. I couldn’t stand the fear that was woven into birth. So I left. I didn’t really know what I was going to do with my life.

My boyfriend at the time was a budding real estate investor. He had what seemed like a fool proof scheme of world domination and financial liberation planned for us as a power couple. I liked this, so I asked him to marry me. I thought I was maintaining independence by taking the reins but what followed was a year of giving away my power, forgetting who I was, sacrificing my needs and isolating myself from my friends and my family.

I didn’t recognize it at the time, but my body was *not* into the choices I was making. I was having panic attacks, shaking, crawling under my bed, hiding in closets, even peeing the bed at times. I was having  labor-like contractions with my periods, exhausted and I never, ever wanted to have sex.

This was a major point of contention in our relationship and it was stressing me out, hard. So, I made a plan to ‘fix myself’ so we could stop having these terrible arguments. I signed up for Bodysex. I had heard of Dr. Betty Dodson during undergrad and was convinced the “mother of masturbation” could give me back my juju and make me want my husband again.

Well, well, this was not the case.

What I realized at Bodysex was that I had sexual *service* hard-wired into me. My sexuality existed for others, not for me. I didn’t even know who I was sexually for myself. I didn’t know what I wanted. I didn’t trust myself to honour my own feelings around others desires.

I also realized I was carrying a LOT of shame and embarrassment around my body and my sexuality. I felt fat, inexperienced, awkward, ugly, hairy, unattractive. All of that going on, yet I had been pretending to have it all together with my partners. Bodysex allowed me to be vulnerable in front of other women and see they were dealing with the same stuff. There was so much pain asking to be felt, and I had wanted to jump into pleasure.

I left the workshop on a mission to create a sexual relationship with myself. I wanted to feel all my feels. I wanted to figure out what I was actually drawn to, and learn to listen and honour the wisdom of my body again. I wanted to have the sureness and confidence to invite someone into that experience from a really genuine place of wanting to make magic together.

My life began to transform. It was as if I came into my body again. I began to value my feelings and body cues. I began to let go of the guilt around letting others down. I began to honour my truth. I discovered that vulnerability was a powerful clarifier. I was mustering up courage I never knew I had.

I left my marriage later that year, returned to NYC to get certified, and started leading the same Bodysex workshop that sparked all of this in me.

How would you describe the transformation of attending Body Sex? 

This is different for each participant but I would say everyone leaves with less body shame and more vulva pride. People discover what it is like to be in female friendships based on vulnerability and support and leave with tangible practices to get to know themselves intimately and express themselves sexually. 

They also understand how arousal works form an anatomy perspective; they learn  to find their own erection and how to properly fuck themselves. It’s very empowering. They are way less worried about “looking good” sexulaly because they have an embodied experience of how little that affects their ability to feel sexual pleasure. People shed so much shame that they actually look different afterwards. 

What can folks do at home if they don’t have access or aren’t ready to attend Body Sex? 

Stop making yourself feel wrong for where you are at sexually. The judgement really kills the mood, accept where you are at. You can’t hate yourself into a great sex life. You have to make the process fun and enjoyable. There is no rush, you have your whole life to discover yourself.

Look at your vulva with good light and a mirror and some oil. Sit with your fear and discomfort around your body. Be with it long enough for that to shift. Look at yourself like a piece of art. You might not love it at first, but with enough keen observation, you might just be surprised at the adoring relationship that develops.

Follow me on instagram! I talk about this stuff for free non stop. I also write longer form on my blog, along with a resources section full of great books to get you started.

How has transforming your relationship to sexuality shifted other elements of your life? 

I am more self assured, I trust myself way more. I am more comfortable sticking to my values even when that means being alone. I care way less about what people think. I am less judgmental of other people’s choices. I have way deeper relationships with women. I am able to speak up when I am uncomfortable. My voice still shakes sometimes, but I have my own back now. 

What are some of your favorite ways to tap into sensuality in day to day life? 

Mmmmm. Moaning, at the sun beam on my face or the bit of food I just put in my mouth. Slowing down, being present and tuning into pleasure. Making ordinary moments special. Oh, and dancing!!

photo by Amber Ellis

What does your morning routine look like? 

I have tried really hard to stop making the opening of instagram be my first morning ritual, but it often is. So instead, I stopped making it wrong. I am continuously curating  my feed to inspire me. I unfollowed 90% of the people I was following and that has made all the difference. I kept telling myself so many stories about it, people would be offended blah blah blah, but now when I open my instagram, I see something that lights me up.  Artistically, musically, introspectively. And usually that is what pulls me out of bed. Today it was a song. 

I light  a candle. I make tea. I make my bed and do 10 or so minutes of yoga most mornings. Nothing crazy. Just intuitively stretching. 

What is your philosophy on food + nourishment?

Eating is an embodiment practice for me; a way to be in conversation with my body. Being present and finding what my body likes, what it needs, what it’s craving. It’s truly been a trip!

I love food but for a while it was the only way I was nourishing myself, I would get a little obsessive. I grew up 1 of 5, where dinner time was chaotic and a bit of a conflict cesspool. It’s been a journey to repattern meal times to be slow and stress free but it feels like an overall improving work in progress. My number 1 tip is don’t share meals with people you feel stressed around. The stress is worse for your digestion than anything else. I am convinced.

Can you share a simple recipe you’re loving these days?

I made this chickpea salad for my last workshop and it was a hit! It’s so easy to make and so satisfying. I like having it on crackers, sourdough or by the spoonful.

Curried Chickpea Salad

(modified from Sarah Britton’s Naturally Nourished )

 Ingredients

3 cups cooked chickpeas (I cook mine in my instant pot or use 2 15oz cans, drained and rinsed)

1/2 cup (minimum) toasted and chopped pecans

Couple handfuls of dates, chopped

2 stalks of celery, chopped

3 green onions

6 tablespoons mayonnaise

1 tablespoon curry powder

Juice of half a lemon

Salt and pepper to taste

Using a pastry cutter, potato masher or a fork to smash the chickpeas up a bit, you still want some texture.

Then add in the rest of the ingredients and combine

Serve on crackers, toast or by the spoonful! Store in the fridge for up to 5 days

*If the dates aren’t adding enough sweetness, add a touch of coconut sugar to the mix :)

To find out more about Katrina make sure to follow her on instagram @myorgasmiclife

For more info on her workshops or working with her one-on-one, check out her website here.